Lt. Col. Jessica Sexton has some money for me.

I received an email on Sunday:

Please Its Urgent

It was from an email address that was a university student or instructor. I responded back that I didn't know what the email was about, but noted, curiously, that Gmail was saying it was part of a thread of twelve emails.

The response came from a different email address:

Lt Col Jessica Sexton <>

My apology to encroach into your privacy in this manner; I am here to offer you my partnership in business. You do not know me but I mean no harm sending you this proposition.

Before I introduce myself, you may wonder why I would delegate a business proposal to a total stranger, but this is the best I can do in my present situation not because there is no one left in my life but there is absolutely no one close enough to entrust the nature of this business with as my only daughter serves as a clergy (minister nun) to my Anglican rooted home convent church town in North Carolina and I am an orphan and windowed. My family moved to Florida where I study at university of west Florida in 1993 for bachelor of arts (ba), international relations and affairs. In 2004, I enroll for Webster university for master of arts (ma), procurement/acquisition management. At august 2007 I was made contracting commander Iraq/Afghanistan. In 2011, I made brigade commander which at present am the commander-expeditionary contracting command- Afghanistan. I would have trusted this kind of project in the hands of my daughter who is supposedly my closest confidant but the nature and future of her service to god will not let me propose this to her but rather I would do for her what every mother who loves the future of her child would do hence my decision to work with a neutral person if we can establish some trust between ourselves so that this secret can be preserved.

Let me start by introducing myself. My names are Lieutenant Colonel Jessica Sexton I am currently finishing my service as commander,117th contracting support brigade-expeditionary contracting Command-Afghanistan; resolute support mission Kabul Afghanistan. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $5,900,000.00 (five million, nine hundred thousand united states dollars) as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here in Afghanistan.

Source of money:
I and some other high-ranking officers made some deal on oil business in Iraq before my exit to Kabul, Afghanistan. The deal worth $87 million united states dollars and after we've all shared the money I later realize $5.9 million US Dollars which is my personal share of the deal, due to my status as a us Lieutenant, I am not be able to move this huge funds to my account in united states to avoid further interrogation or face any kind of probation by the U S government and I packaged my own share in a digital lock suitcase and have sent it to the red-cross society, because there is no other way out to keep it with me here, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, as I have deposited the consignment as a family valuable. Your acceptance to this would encourage me to send further information for us to proceed. If you wish to proceed with this, please get back to me by responding am in.

Yours Truly,
Lt Col Jessica Sexton.

I responded:

Oddly enough, an uncle from the old country, Poland, recently came into some money. About $15 million worth. I am unable to access it because it requires that I find an unethical human smear of grease who thinks elaborate schemes and stories to steal money from unwitting people is a legitimate way of existing and earning a living. The good news is, with the arrival of your email, I think I just found that unethical smear of grease. Even better, when God strikes you with lightning, it's going to be a great show because grease is flammable. Burn, baby, burn.

So, "Lt Col Jessica Sexton" a.k.a. random name generated that sounds white, are you interested in my alleged uncle's fortune that needs evacuation? It's hidden in a puzzle box which, with the help of a magic word, the UN, and the eye of newt, you can get a goodly share of it.

My gosh. People like you suck.

Almost warms the heart. Most of my dreadful internet experiences in recent years has been normal people being jerks on social media. It was almost a delight to get an old-fashioned scam email that wormed its way through the filters.


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