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The Christian blogosphere, course corrections, and pink tractors.

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I left the heavy duty Christian blogging ("theo blogging" we called it back in the early 2000's) behind several years ago for conscious reasons. I wrote about it, most recently, in a post entitled "Being Someone of No Reputation", which I wrote in all sincerity.

I am reminded of all of it after reading an article, "Who's In Charge Of The Christian Blogosphere", and the ensuing Twitter response. I entered into the fray for a short while, but really lacked the energy.

Permit me to tell you two stories.

I grew up on a farm with three sisters and one brother. My father didn't have us girls drive the farm equipment. Only my brother drove the trucks, tractors, and combines. I once heard a woman derisively say that my father had "pink tractor syndrome", i.e. that he didn't think a woman could or should drive big farm equipment.

My father had seen two very serious (and bloody) accidents involving my grandfather (his dad) and big farm eq…

All our little gods.

The food we do or do not eat.

The exercise we do or do not get.

The injustices we do or do not care about.

The outrage we do or do not have.

It is an endless list, the little gods we make in our life. They creep into our lives, starting first as an innocent concern, grounded not in the bad but in good intentions. Then they settle in and we start to see them first and foremost in all we do and say. Soon they occupy our mind in every waking moment.

Perhaps in an attempt to combat this, we turn to "mindfulness" and believe that if we are simply more aware of what we are doing, if we force consciousness onto our actions, we will strip the thing of its power and make it benign again.

Until mindfulness, and the pursuit of simpleness, becomes its own god.

We can't add a day to our life or an hour to our day, but we careen from one extreme to another, all in or all out. The simple pleasures of what life offers are smoothed down, the highs and lows made equal by guilt or self-rig…

When you grow up reading horse books.

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I used to, but not so much now.

I used to be more unsettled, but not so much now.

I used to be more anxious about what my life would amount to, but not so much now.
I used to be be frantic about whether people were aware of what I was doing and cared, but not so much now.
I used to agonize over things like artistic purity and selling out and pursuing passionate creative dreams, but not so much now.
I used to be in a constant state of chasing after more, bigger, and better, but not so much now.
I used to fret about whether or not I'd change the world, but not so much now.
I used to be wrapped up in finding ways to make my life meaningful, but not so much now.

I used to struggle against people and ideas and injustices, wearing myself out and making no change because I did not bother to change myself, but not so much now.
It's not that I gave up, but more that I looked up.